For people who are getting way too emotionally invested in this whole Cleveland Cavaliers thing — your favorite columnist is most definitely among them — here is a welcome reality check.
About 51 weeks ago, reader Jay Falls of Kent was bemoaning the fact that a long-planned, lose-a-big-deposit-if-you-change-the-date European vacation would fall at the precise moment his favorite basketball team was heading into the NBA Finals.
Seeing as how last year’s team was only the second in the franchise’s 45-year history to make the Finals, this development was depressing.
But this season, Falls reports, no such problem. And this year, he may be able to limit his enthusiasm to a rational level.
Maybe.
“On the way to that canal boat trip in southwest France,” he writes, “I spent a night in Barcelona. While having a beer in a very pleasant little bar, I tried to engage the owner/bartender in a little talk about the great LeBron.
“He politely indicated that he had never heard of him.
“I thought maybe I wasn’t making myself clear. So I picked up a 50-page newsprint sports magazine (mostly soccer and rugby) and found LeBron’s name in the bottom right-hand corner of Page 49. I showed him the name, but he just furrowed his brow and shook his head no.
“It’s like my old buddy would say when we would lose a tough game: ‘One billion people in China don’t even know we played today.’
“Perspective.”
Revamped names
We will stick with Mr. Falls for a second because, in a separate email, he offered up some amusing, and not totally inappropriate, new names for Cleveland’s pro teams.
• The Clevealiers.
• The Engines.
• The Frowns.
Crucial directions
Hudson reader Terry Meehan was amused by the instructions she saw on a frozen dinner she was preparing. She clipped them out and sent them to me.
Step 3 on the Marie Callender’s box reads, “Pull back film and stir potatoes. Rotate steak clockwise one half turn. Replace film.”
Meehan wondered whether the meal would be ruined if she inadvertently rotated the steak counterclockwise. Or, God forbid, if she fell short and only rotated it a quarter turn.
Pretty funny.
Wait — somebody in Hudson eats frozen dinners?
New crime
A reader who signed the name “A. Anderson” sent a clip of a recent item in my favorite newspaper. The headline read:
“Church’s Chickens robbed.”
The note said, “Now it’s the chickens getting robbed? Maybe they should get in the pig business and root out those robbers.”
Good tricks
Bob: Your favorite newspaper had a segment about Purple Martins included in a Green area supplement Monday. It concerns using Purple Martins to control bugs instead of chemicals that pollute the environment.
A rather amazing fact presented in the article is: “They eat only flying insects. These are adult egg-laying insects that once eaten don’t reproduce.”
Not really sure how anything once eaten could reproduce. Maybe you could.
Later in the article there’s mention of an event from 2-4 p.m. on June 25 at North Reservoir Boat Launch Ramp on State Mill Road: Anyone can fling scrambled eggs into the air and watch the Martins catch them.
Sure seems like more fun than standing out in the cold to watch the buzzards return to Hinckley.
Denny Stafford
Jackson Township
Denny: That supplement was paid advertising, not something that worked its way through our newsroom. We would have embarked on copious research to make sure some living creatures don’t reproduce long after being eaten.
As for the event ... I’ve heard of tossing your cookies, but never tossing your scrambled eggs. This sounds like a lot more fun.
Crystal balling
Bob: About that first article in “Around the Region” in [Wednesday’s] Beacon. How did the paper find out that FirstEnergy became the Soap Box Derby’s major sponsor in 2102?
Chuck Partis
Akron
Chuck: Where you see a typo, I see a well-informed prediction.
Bob Dyer can be reached at 330-996-3580 or bdyer@thebeaconjournal.com. He also is on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bob.dyer.31