As I was coming of voting age, back in the days of rotary phones, cassette tape players and three-channel TV, I used to joke around with my buddy Bob Sigworth, aka “Siggo,” about our frustration with the mainstream political candidates.
Throughout our teens and early 20s, we always decided, tongue in cheek, that we were going to vote for Gus Hall.
If you’re not as old as we are, Gus Hall was the perennial presidential candidate of the Communist party. Gus was on the ballot four times, racking up anywhere from 0.03 percent to 0.07 percent of the popular vote.
The concept of him being elected was absolutely laughable.
Today, one of the top two Democratic candidates is a self-declared, unabashed, full-fledged socialist.
What?
Today, we also have a front-running Republican candidate who claims all of his opponents are liars, everyone in the media is a liar and, during a debate — a presidential debate! — bragged about the size of his sword.
What?
Did somebody slip peyote into my sandwich?
I’ve been walking around this country for a long time now, and I have never seen anything like the 2016 presidential election.
Bernie Sanders — who called Donald Trump “a pathological liar” — makes Eugene McCarthy look like a right-wing fanatic.
Trump — a TV reality show-hosting billionaire who said he could “stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters” — makes Don Plusquellic look like a self-effacing diplomat.
One of Trump’s most prominent backers, Sarah Palin, this week criticized protesters as displaying “punk-ass” behavior.
Somewhere, William F. Buckley is weeping.
And somewhere, Karl Marx is chortling.
Am I really seeing what I think I’m seeing? For a reality check, I headed to a couple of polling places Tuesday, the day Ohioans would have a huge say in the identity of the next president of the United States.
The majority of those polled vouched for my sanity.
“I’m embarrassed for us right now as a nation,” said Amy Phelps, who was standing outside Victory Life Church on Hudson Drive in Stow after voting for Hillary Clinton.
“I wake up in the middle of the night and I’m watching CNN, the European version, and we are looking like fools.”
Fellow Stow resident Alex Terlaher concurred.
“I’m really appalled by how the candidates are acting, most of the candidates,” he said. “It’s a little sad and disgraceful.”
HOW IT CHANGED
So what’s going on? How did we get here?
A great answer was offered by Greg Julius of Stow, who brought along his 3-year-old son, Josh, as he voted for Ted Cruz at the Akron General Health & Wellness Center-North near Seasons Road.
“I think it is a product of social media,” he said. “I think that’s what’s giving us this type of election.”
Social media tends to reinforce the idea that I am right and you are wrong, and look at all my friends who agree that you are wrong, which means you are so far wrong that you shouldn’t even be typing. And, by the way, you’re a jackass.
But a Trump voter offered a different reason for our three-ring circus: the quagmire that is Washington, D.C.
Although he was speaking for Trump voters, he could just as easily have been speaking for Sanders voters.
“We’ve had a couple of Clintons and a couple of Bushes, and this stalemate in Washington has just been going on for 15 years too long,” said 78-year-old Edward Haas.
“I’m not saying [Trump is] going to make the right decisions, but he’s going to shake things up.”
Trump’s loud mouth doesn’t bother Haas one iota. “He’s a businessman. I don’t know how many board meetings you’ve sat in, but that’s pretty much the business curriculum, the way it’s handled. ...
“Politicians have to please everybody, where a corporate guy wants performance right now.”
Several folks had mixed emotions about the madness. When asked whether she was appalled or amused, John Kasich voter Jamie Balzano replied: “A little bit of each. Appalled with some of the things that are talked about, but also amused, kind of almost refreshed. ‘OK, let’s talk about some things.’ ”
MILES APART
I met about a dozen people Tuesday. The last two — both women — perfectly illustrated the incredibly wide range of opinions in this incredibly divided country.
Jessica Simon of Stow had just finished casting a vote for Clinton at the wellness center.
“I’d love to see a woman in office,” she said. “I’m an educated woman, and I’d love to see another one.”
Less than a minute later, I was talking with Jean Norcom of Stow, who voted for Cruz.
“I wouldn’t vote for a woman unless there was two women running,” she said.
Why?
“Because I think a man should be the president,” she said. “I happen to be a Bible believer, and in the Bible the Lord puts the man in charge.”
Well, as my father used to say, that’s why everybody doesn’t drive a red Volkswagen.
Today, the selection of car colors is enormous. And the colors are clashing. Badly.
Bob Dyer can be reached at 330-996-3580 or bdyer@thebeaconjournal.com. He also is on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bob.dyer.31