Don’t you just love CFL bulbs?
The ones that unleash toxic mercury if you break them?
The ones that don’t get bright until they warm up?
The ones that are an aesthetic nightmare, glaring out from your light fixtures like coiled albino snakes?
Yeah, I love them, too.
But that didn’t stop me from requesting delivery of Ohio Edison’s Energy Conservation Kit three years ago, a package that contained not only nine compact fluorescent bulbs but also two LED night lights, one smart power strip/surge protector and a furnace whistle.
Yes, a furnace whistle. How could a homeowner possibly survive without a furnace whistle? (They start to whistle when your filter is dirty.)
Because I had already paid for the kit through my monthly bill — like every other Ohio Edison customer, most of whom had no idea they had already paid for it — I figured I should get the box and check it out.
Barberton resident Dennis Ocepek thought the same thing.
Like me, Ocepek didn’t immediately use the CFLs, mainly because his existing bulbs were still burning.
Unlike me, Ocepek did eventually use most of them. Used them in rapid succession. Although CFLs are touted by manufacturers and utility companies as lasting nine years when used three hours a day, all seven of Ocepek bulbs burned out within two months.
He didn’t use them with a dimmer switch, which will not only fry the CFL but also create a serious fire hazard. (Dimmable CFLs are available but were not provided in the kits.) He used them in a number of different locations, from ceiling fans to overhead basement lights to light fixtures.
Appalled by their lack of longevity, he called Ohio Edison to try to figure out what was going on and to request replacements.
Tried and tried and tried, he did.
He says he called seven times, in some cases talking with supervisors, and couldn’t get ahold of a single person who could help. So he did what any right-thinking American would do: phoned his favorite columnist.
Ohio Edison spokesman Chris Eck says part of the communication problem is that the program ended at the close of 2014. The vendors kept their help lines active for an additional year and a half, but those were shut down in May.
About 330,000 kits were distributed. Eck says only a fraction of 1 percent of the calls received matched Ocepek’s problem. But he hooked me up with the manufacturer of Ocepek’s bulbs, General Electric.
GE made about 70 percent of the bulbs handed out by Ohio Edison, with TPC supplying the rest.
GE didn’t merely take steps to pacify Ocepek — he will receive coupons to replace the fast-dying CFLs or, even better, to get LEDs — but genuinely seemed to want to figure out what was going on.
Ocepek wasn’t able to fulfill the company’s request to return the bulbs so they could study them — who keeps a burned-out lightbulb? — but the two reps who talked with him on a conference call requested and received the bar-code numbers on the two bulbs he has left.
If those bulbs follow their siblings into an early grave, GE will send him prepaid shipping material.
In addition to not using a regular CFL in a dimmer, there are some other no-nos for consumers. GE spokeswoman Alicia Gauer says you shouldn’t store them in a place with heavy moisture or excessive heat, or use them in places they are not intended for: a ceiling fan, which jostles them too much, or outdoors.
Ohio Edison’s Eck says customers who have issues with the energy kits that they haven’t already reported can call Edison’s customer-service number — 1-800-633-4766. But do not dial that number if you’re trying to get a kit. There aren’t any. The program is over.
While we’re at it, we should reiterate the mercury situation.
A broken CFL is nothing to mess with, but it won’t instantly wipe out your entire family. The amount of mercury in one bulb is about the size of the period at the end of this sentence. A typical thermometer contains 100 times that amount.
Still, if you break one, proceed with caution.
The federal EPA says:
• Get people and pets out of the room.
• Open a window and air out the room for 10 minutes. Shut off your central forced air or heat.
• Do not vacuum except as a last resort (only if broken glass remains in the carpet after all other cleanup attempts).
• Round up stiff paper or cardboard, sticky tape, a damp paper towel or wet wipes and a glass jar or plastic bag that seals. Use the stiff paper to scoop up glass fragments and powder. Use the tape to pick up any remaining small amounts, then wipe with the wet towel. Put everything in the bag and take it outside to a trash container.
Unless you touch the mercury and then lick your finger, the danger lies in the vapor.
If you don’t break one, the only damage lies in the aesthetics. And the delayed performance. And, in rare cases, the premature death of the bulb.
Bob Dyer can be reached at 330-996-3580 or bdyer@thebeaconjournal.com.