To some, the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl isn’t worth a hill of beans.
The University of Akron has been downright defensive about suggestions that the bowl, where Akron will play on Dec. 22, is small potatoes. Protests came to the Beacon Journal when it noted the way national media thought the bowl sounded about as fun as steaming bowl of broccoli.
Then again, we don’t recall there being a Broccoli Bowl, so don’t get your taters in a bunch. Around here we respect the potato.
In fact, the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl is not specifically designed to promote the oft-disrespected vegetable. (Yes, it’s a vegetable, the many state and national potato organizations insist.)
Since it began in 1997 as the Humanitarian Bowl, the event’s mission “has always been to showcase the beauty and hospitality of Boise, Idaho, while also honoring players’ off the field efforts.” After several name changes, it became the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl in 2011.
Still, there’s the potato in the name and the location, Idaho, is pretty spud-ly in its farm production.
Good thing, too. By one estimate, the per-capita consumption of potatoes in America is well over 100 pounds a year.
Since football fans are stat-happy, let us also note that the U.S. lays claim to more than 100 varieties of potatoes from seven categories: russet, red, white, yellow, blue/purple, fingerling and petite.
Those confusing the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl with KFC’s Famous Bowl have good reason for puzzlement. While KFC is known for chicken, its online list of Famous Bowl ingredients begins with “creamy mashed potatoes.”
Smithsonian magazine once flatly declared that the potato changed the world and “set the template for modern agriculture.”
Potatoes have been praised in song, inspired science projects, helped clean your kitchen and, yes, embarrassed a vice president.
So don’t think of the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl as an excuse to eat. There are so many other ways to make use of them. For example …
Make fluorescent goo. On YouTube, Grant “The King of Random” Thompson proposes combining potato starch with tonic water to create Magic Mud — sort of a homemade version of Slime, but messier. And fluorescent. What kid wouldn’t love that?
To make it, wash and finely chop a 5-pound bag of potatoes. Put the potato pieces into a large mixing bowl, add enough hot water to cover them, and stir a few minutes. Strain the potatoes and let the potato water sit until a white layer settles out in the bottom.
Pour off the water till only the white stuff remains. Add a little clean water to liquefy it, and pour it into a jar with a lid. Shake and let the liquid sit for 10 minutes until it separates into layers again.
Dump out the liquid and let the white layer sit a couple of days until it dries completely. Crumble it into a powder.
In a bowl, mix a few spoonfuls of the powder with a small amount of tonic water until the mixture gets hard to stir. When the ingredients are combined, you’ll get a substance that behaves like pizza dough when you move it around in your hands but will ooze through your fingers like a liquid when you stop. The quinine in the tonic water makes the goo glow under a fluorescent light.
Have a sing-along. Pota-tunes are more numerous than you might think. For one, there’s Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off with its discussion of po-tay-to vs. po-tah-to. And Dee Dee Sharp’s Mashed Potato Time — actually referring to a dance — was a big enough hit in 1962 to inspire a sequel, Gravy (For My Mashed Potatoes),
But a more to-the-potato-point song is Cheryl Wheeler’s Potato. Set to the tune of the Mexican Hat Dance, it says in part:
“Sometimes we ditch the skin/To eat what it’s holding in/Sometimes we’d rather please/Have just the outside with cheese.” There’s www.youtube.com="">www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7uyKYeGPdE">a splendid video with it on YouTube.
And no such playlist can be complete without a little Devo, as legions of spudboys will attest.
Clean a skillet. According to Apartmenttherapy.com, give your rusty cast-iron skillet a new look — well, at least a cleaner look — by sprinkling about a half-cup of sea salt into the pan and rubbing it with the cut side of half a potato. Work in circular motions with a good amount of pressure.
If your skillet is really dirty, you may have to rinse and repeat. Once the pan is clean, rinse it, let it dry completely and then season it by rubbing the inside surfaces with cooking oil and heating it in a 350-degree oven for an hour.
Build a clock. The classic science-fair experiment is explained this way on WikiHow: You can buy a kit to make a potato clock, or you can make your own using a battery-operated LCD clock and a few other supplies. The instructions are at http://tinyurl.com/taterclock.
It’s a science lesson and the ingredients for a side dish.
Make a race car. Attach pinewood derby car wheels to a potato using large nails and washers, which go between the wheels and the potato. If you need to, use a grater to shave off some potato so the wheels can turn without rubbing the potato, and so the potato can roll easily.
Decorate your potato car with stickers, cocktail toothpicks, pipe cleaners, little flags, googly eyes or anything else you want to make it fancy.
Source: The Idea Room (www.theidearoom.net).
Make a block stamp for printing on paper or fabrics. “Thanks to their firm texture, raw potatoes can be easily shaped into sturdy stamps, and their smooth interiors are perfect for coating with fabric paint,” says marthastewart.com. “Kids can use cookie cutters or other kitchen molds, such as aspic cutters, to turn a spud into a stamp quickly. Or parents can cut out shapes and small details with a knife. … Cookie cutters can provide ready-made shapes — flowers, animals, or letters — for your design. Different-size spuds can be sliced crosswise to create small or large petals or polka dots. You can use a potato sliver for stems or grass; hand-paint very thin details.”
Dare we suggest a potato stamp with a UA logo?
Make your own Mr. or Mrs. Potato Head. Sure, you can get one of those store-bought toys. But they don’t even have a real potato. Grab a spud from the kitchen and, with cardboard or paper or the remains of a long-abandoned plastic Mr. P, create your own. And, if it’s the right potato, it will already have plenty of eyes.
Raise a glass to a party animal. We are, of course, referring to Spuds MacKenzie, the canine standard bearer for Bud Light beer. The bull terrier’s fame extended beyond commercials, with folks so fascinated that People magazine in 1987 investigated rumors that Spuds had suffered a rock-style death. Spuds was, in fact, alive — but had another secret. He was a she. “Spuds is actually a bitch whose real name is Honey Tree Evil Eye. Her friends call her Evie for short,” said People. Controversy followed the pooch, who was accused of helping to market beer to kids, and Bud Light retired Spuds in 1989. Still, the dog “was one of the most powerful advertising ideas in the last 25 years,” a Bud Light rep told People. Spuds passed away from kidney failure in 1993.
Take care of that broken light bulb. Not the one on the floor. The one you’ve never been able to get out of a fixture. Instructables.com lays it out like this: First, unplug the lamp. Snip off any remaining filament wires with cutters. Take any size potato and push it firmly down in the socket until you can’t get it to go any farther. Then unscrew the potato as if you were taking out a light bulb. Done!