In honor of the long-awaited firing of University of Akron President Scott Scarborough, your favorite columnist arranged for an exclusive interview with the key figure in Scarborough’s demise.
Yep. The Olive Jar.
The infamous $556 decoration in Scarborough’s master bedroom.
The sorest sore point in a $951,000 renovation of a house occupied by a president who was busy nuking 200 employees, E.J. Thomas Hall, the University of Akron Press, most of the Career Center and a baseball team that had been in business since 1873.
The Olive Jar was the flashpoint. He became so popular that he earned his own Facebook page — with 1,650 followers — his own Twitter handle and national ink.
I conducted the interview by phone while Scotty was on the golf course.
Beacon Journal: Do you realize you are the most famous olive jar in the history of the world? When I Googled “olive jar,” I got 110,000 hits — and the first six were about you! When I ran the same phrase through the Beacon’s computer archives, I got 18 hits, and 13 of them — 72 percent — were you!
Olive Jar: You are correct, keyboard breath. And don’t forget I had a starring role in a six-minute YouTube parody that ripped Scarborough and the UA trustees. I was mentioned 25 seconds into it. You also neglected to mention all those little olive jars that were dropped off at protest rallies in my honor.
BJ: Hey, I just realized your initials are O.J. That’s kinda scary. Or should I say Scarry?
OJ: My mission was a bit more noble than O.J.’s, dontcha think?
BJ: Absolutely. You jarred the Scar. That’s why I wanted to talk to you.
OJ: Fire away.
BJ: Do you realize Scarborough’s 23-month reign of terror lasted five months longer than the U.S. was in World War I? It was quite a fight, but you did it. Congrats! How does it feel?
OJ: Thanks. I couldn’t have done it without all of the little olives all over the world, past and present, green and black. And you’re right: My work here is done. Now that the Scar has been ordered to move out of this house by Sept. 27, I’m retiring my social media operations.
BJ: I read that. I also see there’s a Change.org petition that aims to give you a permanent home at the UA Student Union, “a particularly relevant and accessible place to showcase The Olive Jar in a way that will allow students, faculty, staff, visitors and members of the community to see it, identify with its symbolic role and, yes, touch it — a new touchstone for the University of Akron.”
OJ: As long as they all wash their hands first, that would be a fitting tribute to my greatness.
BJ: Wow. A little bit of fame and it goes right to your, um, neck. Let’s put things in perspective, Jarboy: When it comes to the Scarborough bedroom, you were a cheap knickknack. I mean, we’re talking $838 for a “makeup chair,” $1,800 for one mirror and $2,600 for two night tables,
OJ: “Two Night Tables” just doesn’t have the same ring as “Olive Jar.” It’s all about the marketing. I mean good marketing, not “Ohio’s Polytechnic University” marketing.
BJ: I called that one. I wrote from Day One that the polytechnic ploy would be a disaster.
OJ: You and a half-million other people.
BJ: Speaking of which, some of those folks don’t even really know you. They picture you as a little glass jar that once sat in somebody’s fridge filled with cocktail olives. In reality, you’re the power forward of olive jars: 3 feet tall, 200 pounds.
OJ: OK, so I’m not exactly svelte. But I am endearingly decorative. The designer chose me to serve as a planter. He put bamboo sticks in me so he could soften the overall feel of the room.
BJ: The only thing you softened was Scarborough’s path to the door. Anyway, a lot of people have referred to you as an “antique.” But you were brand new, a replica. So why did you cost so much?
OJ: You’ll have to talk to the decorator who chose me, the guy who owns Alan Garren Interior/Exterior Design in Bath.
BJ: I did, just last week. He was nice. He apparently has handled this whole thing pretty well, even though for a while everyone who stopped by his office teased him. When I asked whether he cringed every time you appeared in the news, he said: “It never bothered me. I did my job.” Today, just for grins, Garren keeps a little glass olive jar in his office. He viewed you as just another attractive accessory among many.
OJ: I certainly don’t think of myself as “just another accessory.” But whatever.
BJ: I don’t think of you that way, either. In fact, I think UA should auction you off, because the bidding would go through the roof. The school could create a scholarship in your name. That way the U could make a positive out of a big negative.
OJ: Who you callin’ a big negative? You keep this up and I’m gonna phone the other O.J.
Bob Dyer can be reached at 330-996-3580 or bdyer@thebeaconjournal.com. He also is on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bob.dyer.31