Hardly a day goes by that we don’t continue to burnish our stellar national image.
This time Akron is ranked seventh among the “Top 10 Laziest Cities in the Country.”
Yippee!
Oh, sorry. Yawn.
Allegedly, we are a wee bit more stimulating than Cleveland, the city immediately to our north, which finished sixth.
Believe it or not, four of the top 10 are in Ohio — including Nos. 1 and 2, Dayton and Toledo.
If we are indeed the legendary “swing state” of political lore, apparently we are doing most of our swinging on the front porch.
And how, exactly, does one come up with an authoritative measure of citywide laziness?
I’m not motivated enough to do the research, so I’ll just let the people responsible for this assessment — Zippia, a San Francisco-based website offering career advice — break it down.
“We used the latest version of the American Community Survey from the Census Bureau. ...
“After scrolling through what seemed like hundreds of criteria, we settled on this set for the laziest cities in the U.S.:
• Fewest average hours worked.
• Shortest commute time.
• Fewest workers per household (labor force divided by number of households).
• Highest unemployment rate.
• Fewest adults with a college degree.
“Our thinking went something along the lines of, ‘If you don’t bother to go to college, don’t spend any time at work and have only one person per household bringing home the bacon, your city is probably pretty lazy.’ ”
Well, that seems pretty ridiculous. We should probably get all worked up and mount a nasty-letter-writing campaign. But I think I’ll just chill for a while.
Not again!
Starting in 2010, your favorite columnist ridiculed the redundantly redundant stickers on Circle K gas pumps throughout Greater Akron:
“Please pre-pay in advance.”
As if any other time frame would be humanly possible.
After a while, those stickers mercifully vanished.
Well, apparently Circle K has a special Department of Redundancy Department, because they’re at it again. This time the bright red stickers read:
“Please pre-pay before pumping.”
I kid thee not.
As reader Bill Ellis asks, “How many people have opted to pre-pay after pumping?”
So what’s next, Circle K? “Please pre-pay before filling tank”?
Acronym accident
George Mason University wanted to honor the Supreme Court justice who died in February by naming its law school after him. So school administrators came up with a highly logical name: the Antonin Scalia School of Law.
But then a few folks on social media began to have way too much fun with the acronym. Because everyone living in Akron is lazy, I’ll do the work for you: ASSOL.
Plan B was quickly implemented. Now George Mason is touting the Antonin Scalia Law School, which produces an immediately forgettable acronym. Yes, you’re still the seventh laziest people in the country, so here it is: ASLS.
Now back to bed with you.
Models wanted
On Saturday, the Host Committee for the Republican National Convention is holding a casting call for residents who want to appear in a feel-good promotional campaign dubbed, “We the people welcome you to Cleveland.”
The committee says the faces of those selected will be those of “everyday Clevelanders as a way to personify the city and the welcoming nature of the community.”
Sure, “everyday” Clevelanders. I’m going to take a wild stab here and say no Clevelander who has pounded too many pierogis will make the cut.
All of them will be good-looking and in shape.
And none of them will be lazy.
Bob Dyer can be reached at 330-996-3580 or bdyer@thebeaconjournal.com. He also is on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bob.dyer.31