It is time to solve one of the great debates. These kinds of dialogues can turn friend against friend, brother against brother. It divides houses. It is the political third rail among baseball food fans.
In the past year or so, it has raged online, bringing into question the label of a key symbol of Americana. As meaningful baseball in 2016 begins Monday in Cleveland, it is time to solve this once and for all.
The burning question: Is a hot dog a sandwich? Try not to get too worked up in your pre-game grilling, stadium mustard-applying frenzy.
Obviously, the seriousness of this question is a bit tongue-in-cheek. But it is most certainly not sandwich-in-mouth.
That’s because a hot dog is not a sandwich. It is something better. It is perfect. There is something so picturesque about being at a game, the sun’s out (sometimes), baseball on the field, hot dog about to be consumed. It’s as if it is the food embodiment of James Earl Jones’ speech about baseball at the end of Field of Dreams. I don’t know what’s in a hot dog, and I don’t really want to know. Honestly, it’s probably disgusting. But it’s also delicious, so we fight on in the name of tasty foods everywhere.
No one has ever said, “Want to get a sandwich? A hot dog sounds good.” No one. It’s always, “Want to get a sandwich or a hot dog?” It is its own category.
Now, more importantly, about half of the Indians’ roster was asked about this very debate, and among those who were surveyed, there’s a unanimous decision within the clubhouse: It’s not a sandwich.
A little more than a dozen players were asked, and surprisingly, not one broke ranks. Many of the answers were a simple, “No. It’s just not.” A couple were surprised it was even a debate. All-Star second baseman Jason Kipnis didn’t need to elaborate. He answered with a quick, “No,” put on his sunglasses and walked away. Bryan Shaw was curt in dismissing it as a sandwich option.
Outfielder Tyler Naquin wasn’t content with just answering. He needed updates. A day after giving his answer, he asked, “Hey, so what are guys saying to the hot dog question?” Relief pitcher Joba Chamberlain got technical with it.
“When I think of a sandwich, it’s two pieces of bread, one on top and one on bottom,” he said. “That’s not a hot dog. It’s just not.”
Chamberlain became so involved he started rounding up other members of the bullpen to get their input.
Ross Detwiler gave probably the best answer possible to such a silly question, though it has to be edited because this is a family newspaper.
“Well, you can’t take the [butt] and lips off of something and call it a sandwich,” Detwiler said, playing off of an old saying as to what’s actually in a hot dog.
Veteran outfielder Marlon Byrd doesn’t eat them at all.
“You can’t eat hot dogs and play at my age,” he said.
Lonnie Chisenhall, as it turns out, prefers a piece of white bread over a regular bun, saying it’s a better dog-to-bread ratio. But it’s still not a sandwich. There’s also no confirmation that Chisenhall’s left wrist impingement, for which he’ll start the season on the disabled list, came about because of the extra work it takes to keep a piece of bread around a hot dog.
“I just prefer it that way,” Chisenhall said. “But it’s no sandwich.”
With more than half the Indians clubhouse surveyed, the team is united in its nonsandwich opinions. It’s all in good fun. The important thing is that it’s April 4 and even though you might have to clear the snow off your car first, baseball is back and the hot dogs are being grilled.
So, enjoy Opening Day at the ballpark or at home with the food that’s become synonymous with the game so perfectly. Or, have another item — perhaps a sandwich.
Ryan Lewis can be reached at rlewis@thebeaconjournal.com. Read the Indians blog at www.ohio.com/indians. Follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/RyanLewisABJ and on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/RyanLewisABJ