Not often do I get an email that drops my jaw. But that’s what happened after I wrote about a nasty obituary that appeared in my favorite newspaper.
The obit was for a Cuyahoga Falls woman who had alienated her entire family. It noted that her “tormented life” ended all alone in a palliative care unit, and that her body sat in the morgue until her son was notified. The survivors were identified as “family she lost, gave away and never knew.”
I assumed this was something she brought upon herself. My emailer had a starkly different view.
I don’t know whether the emailer is a man or a woman, because the first name is gender-neutral. It probably doesn’t matter.
“I read, with interest, your opinion of the obituary in today’s paper,” the note began. “You were rude in your assumptions.
“I suffer from horrifying anxiety and depression. I fear leaving my home. I have no friends. I have a very loving family but I cannot seem to overcome my fears to spend quality time with them. I feel I am an imposition in their lives so I don’t call.
“No, they have never said that I am a bother or inconvenience or imposition, [but that’s] how I see myself. I do see a psychiatrist and psychologist, but I have had minimal progress over years of treatment.
“I, too, shall die alone. That is my choice. I do not want to have people around me, waiting for my final breath. I think that is cruel.
“I have a document for my final wishes. On it, I state I do not want a funeral. No obituary, no calling hours, no graveside service. I request direct cremation and the funeral home to scatter my ashes where they choose.
“I am a human being. Don’t put me on display. I avoid humans when I am living; don’t want them around when I die.
“So you see, Mr. Dyer, people may chose to be alone in life and death.
“If you post this, I would hope you will respect my privacy and that of my family by keeping my name out of the paper.”
We tend to forget that plenty of folks lead lives of inner agony. A lot of ink is devoted to psychopaths, the violent criminals at war with society. But far more people are fighting an enemy within.
Although we’ve come a long way with drugs that treat depression and panic attacks, some people just can’t slug their way out.
I did not get the impression the woman in the obit was in the same position as the author of the email — the tone of the obit made her sound selfish and disloyal — but who knows?
PROBLEM SOLVED
A few weeks back, I told you about Akron resident Joe Rice, who won a $600 judgment in small-claims court against a contractor who butchered a kitchen renovation. The column noted that winning a case and collecting the money can be two different things.
Rice, judgement in hand, could have had the defendant’s wages garnished, but the defendant, Mickey Fry, has his own business. And Rice could have collected by tapping Fry’s bank account, but didn’t know where Fry banks. As a result, Rice was still out $600 nearly a year after winning in court.
A bunch of readers rushed to the rescue, including several who said Rice could figure out Fry’s financial institution by looking at the back of the canceled check Rice had written as a down payment. But he already had tried that and was unable to decipher the name. He says he asked someone at his own bank to figure it out but again came up empty.
Another reader pointed out that, if Fry took out a building permit, the permit would include contractor’s insurance company, from which Rice could collect.
The most enthusiastic reader was Timothy Dimoff, a private detective who volunteered to track down Fry’s information at no cost.
Dimoff, who owns SACS Consulting and Investigative Services, headquartered at Canal Place, eventually brokered a deal between the two men that calls for Fry to repay the debt at $100 a month. Dimoff’s son, attorney Darrin Dimoff, put together a document that both men signed.
Dimoff estimates he and his son contributed $800 in professional services. Why?
“I get tired of people ripping people off,” he says, “and I will do anything for vets and senior citizens.”
Rice, who qualifies in both categories, is delighted.
Bob Dyer can be reached at 330-996-3580 or bdyer@thebeaconjournal.com. He also is on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bob.dyer.31.